I didn't expected before that a little kitten can be such a great teacher for me, and especially wild one! With time we realized deeper that she is probably feral. At the beginning we kept her in our bathroom, and before we did that we didn't realized that there is a hole in the wall that is unpatched. She made there her hiding secure base, where she was running away every time anyone gets there, or when I am bringing her some food. Every day I was spending there time meditating, hoping that I will be able to tune better into her spirit, and that through my own opening of my heart, she will stop fear me, and will come up close. I reached very deep meditative states while I was doing it, and I felt gratitude for this little creature for being my great meditation master, teaching me so much through the whole situation, and pushing beyond the boundaries. In one day we stared at each other by a very long time, I was sending her my love. I also started chanting for her and playing crystal bowl, she seemed to be very curious about these sounds, and she kept observing me.
But still she kept hissing at me every day I would come, she was like a little demon!
One day my partner wanted to clean around the hole, so she is not hiding behind the stuff on the way. She went deeper into the opening, and she climbed the wall inside up. She got stuck in between walls by over 24 hours and she kept crying! I spend a great deal of time sitting in the bathroom and playing crystal bowl, and crying too. The sound of the bowl stirred deeply old emotions within me, and I had some good time of releasing and healing the child within, that was scared before exactly like this kitten. I was trying to bring her back with the sound, so she can follow and find the way. My partner did cut two big holes in our bathroom on the other side, trying to save her. With no results. We went to sleep and at night she found her way back, through her own entryway. She was even more traumatized by this event, so we decided to not bother her too much in the following few days, and let her to recover.
My partner did build for her a big cage with the whole playground, to keep her temporary in my studio, until she gets used to people. After also very traumatic for her transfer into my space, she was slowly getting more relaxed again, but still hissing at people, playing very wildly when everyone is gone, and hiding in her new spot. In this days I came across material by Hemi-Sync, Communicating with Animals Meditation, and I was trying to connect to her. She didn't seem to be too much interested in contact with people, and she would prefer starve to death than to eat from my hand. Almost three weeks passed and we started to think that maybe she is already impossible to tame. In one day we were thinking that this isn't the best scenario for our building, as we have always many people around, and our older cat that is very territorial. We have here also very loud concerts, and car traffic on one side, and trains are passing very close on the other. I thought that maybe I should try to find for her a better home, and someone who is more experienced with feral kittens. I created post on craigslist, and I went back to creating to the same space where her cage is. She was looking at me, and I felt like I received a great gift from her, when she starts to play around, even if I am the same room..and in one moment she was reaching with her little paw in my direction. In this moment I got again committed to work with her and being more patient.
I did understand very well that in this whole situation there is a great opportunity to grow for me, and that everything is also very symbolic. From many years working on my healing I am all the time taming my own demons, I should be able to tame a little kitten! But then I received this message from an elder very loving lady, responding to my post..She have an experience with feral kittens, and she is training them.. She lives with her husband on 5 acres big ranch, together with 1 horse, 3 goats, some friendly dogs, and other rescued cats. She promised to give a good veterinary care. She will can live inside and hang out outside in nature.
After reading it I found myself crying again. I did know that she will have there a better life than here, in the middle of the city. My higher vision was different but I decided to let it go. This was a great learning experience in itself! I am very happy for this kitten that finally will have a good life, and I am in a deep gratitude for all that it taught me..
Our older cat is back to a good moods, and it gifts me with her love..
In the same moment I wrote this she walks into my studio, and is trying to communicate with me;)..I have a talking cat with a french accent!!

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